for that "perfect" self tanner. I put it in quotes because it's very obviously alleged. Idk if anyone has actually obtained said "perfection" in a self tanner for that matter...but it's like that fountain of youth...

just because no one has ever found it, doesn't mean we will ever stop looking.

so saying that, i will take you down my rocky and disastrous road with self tanners...
i think i started trying them out when i was around 14 maybe? whatever was the new "it" one at the time...i've tried numerous brands and forms...nothing has worked for me. herein lies the problem: i am ridiculously pale. and i have a pink undertone.

what does that mean? two words.

Epic
Fail.

It makes self tanners a virtual mine field for the pale masses. There is no wiggle room either, no in between...no "kinda". it works...or you my friend, are left looking like an oompa loompa again....minus the green eyebrows.

what is the main problem most people stereotypically run into with fake tanners?
that dreaded orange color...that moment when the little glimmer of hope you finally mustered up after spending time rubbing and blending and smearing and buffing..and whatever else is required to apply this liquid hope, pay it no mind...it will be worth it to be tan! we tell ourselves...
and then after the hours have gone by, and we are left looking like the peels left behind after making fresh orange juice...that hope...dies a little.

so what do self tanner companies do to country this problem? well...they add green!! surely that will help right? for olive is a NATURAL tan tone...and therefor will look NATURAL right!? RIGHT!?

wrong...for if you dont HAVE a natural olive undertone...you will end up with this odd green/gray tone to your new "tan"....which only usually succeeds in making you look either old or dirty...and sometimes both if you swing it just wrong.

what else can be done!? green=fail. orange=double fail.
YELLOW!?! maybe that's the answer.....

...if having people ask if you might have jaundice is your desired reaction....then sure. (that REALLY happened to me when using the jergen's gradual tanner lotion >_<) so what are we left with? to accept our paleness? to admit defeat and embrace out pastiness?! NO...we MUST KEEP LOOKING!!! i recent;y caught wind of a product by sun laboratories...a youtuber said 5 little words that nearly made me want to cry! "it had a pink undertone" (picture below on the tanner reviewed)
PINK!?!?!....did my ears deceive me!?

no...no i knew i heard it right! but did i dare raise my hopes again!? did i dare let my little pale heart flutter at such radical ideas?!?!


yes...yes i would...the drive to dream of golden tans and bronzed legs was much to strong to ignore...

so off to ebay i went. in search of this legend...

and what did i find? SCORE! super on sale, just what i can handle...
with heart pounding in my chest...i pressed that "buy it now" button and confirmed.

there...i had done it. there was no turning back now.

now i'm left to obsessively hit my "refresh" button on the shipping report and wait.

wait for the promise of a tan...




maybe...just maybe...no, no i can't even say it. i wont get ahead of myself.

i guess we will see.


your thoughts?